vegas

sooo saturday morning after i fed austin at 6 am we got a phone call....it was my cousin tellin us that my uncle had passed away an hr before....i think i took it the hardest at first....i was really close to him....and me and dad and tank(austins nick name) loaded up the car and headed to vegas.....we were in a car for 24hrs which sucked bad but i drove most of the way if not all of it...we stopped a lot to let austin stretch and change his diapers.....he ate when he wanted to but he slept most of the time which i didnt mind and i would text and drink energy drinks to stay awake so we could get here asap.....well theyre crematin my uncle 2morrow at 10am...then we are havin a party becuz thats what his request was that we had a party in his honor.....then they are having the family services on saturday which we wont be able to go to cuz we gotta get home since mom and dad are leavin monday for the bahamas....we gott get back....but my aunt told me that my uncle kept sayin he wanted to meet austin before he passed and i took that pretty hard cuz i kno how he is and knew that if that was the last thing he would have been able to do before he died its what he would have done.....but now he can see my son all day and look after him, guide him and be his guardian angel....its all pretty hard for all of us but we will always love him and remember him....infact we have a box of stuff he wanted my dad and us to have so i made the suggestion to dad of makin a memorial up in our house and dad agreed....so i will put the stuff up and honor my uncle who we all will miss and we love very much......he died at 3am on july 19th 2008 R.I.P. Pat Bertock.....robo

not sure what to title it

sooo the past week has been hell.....my son is teething and teething bad....i can not wait for this damn tooth to come all the way in....hes been screaming none stop and i give him tylenol, the orajel for babies, teethin tablets, yea doesnt fase him what so ever.....and doin all by myself sux sometimes cuz i get frustrated cuz he wont quit screamin....my dad loses his patience alot quicker then me sooo its not like i can say hey dad give me a break and my mom works all day sooo that doesnt help lol....but im going to start this job this week or next(theyre debatin on my start date) and then i will have the daycare deal with it lol my best friends mom does daycare and shes only 15mins away sooo thats good and itll be like 50-75bucks a week for daycare....which is ok i guess but id like help with payin for it....anyway austin is moving along very well now....ya gotta keep your eye on his at all times lol there is no turn around for a sec anymore...not that im complaining its kinda cute watchin him go....and i put him in his jumparoo for first time today and he loved it he just kept pushin off the floor with his feet making himself bounce but im sure that when he did that the music played soooo knowin my son he did it just to watch the lights and hear the music but man it was cheap entertainment for us today cuz he kept bouncin and giggling.....he sits in a high chair now which is great!!! he is gettin so big i love my mommas boy....and thats exactly what he is but thats ok i love that hes a mommas boy....but we dont have much room in the house for all his crap sooo we are gettin ride of the swing so i can put the jumparoo in its place....and now that my brother moved out and is on his way to cali maybe we will make the spare bedroom austins room.....but i think ill wait on that because once i start this job im moving to wamego to live with miranda and karissa (mirandas 3yr old) in a house together....which will be very exciting....and i have been playin mtch maker with miranda and found her a match,....they hit it off really well and really like each other and they both tell me theyre going to stick around lol soooo thats good i like seein her and tony happy after all they are my friends.....now i just sit and wait for that phone call from the plant to tell me when i start work then its take austin to daycare which will be very hard for me cuz i dont wanna leave my lil man all day lol ill miss him like crazy and prolly annoy mirandas mom askin about him all day...but after daycare its go to work work work make money and move move move WHOOOOO

a big mess

ok so some of you thought that i never wanted mike (austins FATHER) to see him.....that is farthest from the truth!!! i want them to see each other as much as they can right now...which is hard as i dont have the money to go up to mike and he doesnt have the money to come here either....BUT im sure once alot of shit blows over and dies down we will both be able to come to some kind of agreement for us to get austin to him or him to austin....and the whole airforce thing was never a for sure thing...and more than likely wont happen now since i will be startin this job working 10hr days 6days a week.....and maybe i can start saving after i pay off my debts which isnt much so austin can see mike more......but he also has to help me to....as i dont wanna be the one to always have to go to him....and i will never do the bus trip ever again sooo itd take longer for me to save for plane ticket.......cuz im somewhat safer on that then in the bus by myself with no protection and since i had such a bad experience last time id never do it again....they always say never say never but in this case I CAN AND WILL SAY NEVER AGAIN!!!!but anyway....we are waiting for the paperwork to be done to do the whole paternity test thing cuz thats what they gotta do to start child support(which mike told me to file for few months ago that way he knew austin would be taken care of from him) and we all kno mikes the father and im sure when the paper gets to him that he will be happy to see it on paper not that hes denied austin but anyway and im happy that he will see that and have that as the proof since he hasnt exactly had best experiences in the past(april)........and i do feel terrible that he doesnt see austin that much.....and if i could snap my fingers so he could i would do it in a heartbeat...and yea sometimes i am a bitch and yell at him cuz he dont ever ask how austin is and yea it may kill him that austins not around but id like him to see how he is and see if hes doin better with crawling and with certain foods and when he walks and gets teeth....so when i say he needs to show he cares its not that i think he doesnt its just that id like him to ask once in a while and see how his buddy is growing..........maybe this will clear some things up for some people it may not but theres nothing else i can do to please everyone and i cant please everyone......but i do kno that i have my son to please and take care of and he is my first priority then myself.......anyways hope this helps some of u understand what myself and mike are going thru and what we are dealing with at this point......

airforce

soooo i have been going back and forth tryin to decide if i wanna join the airforce reserves...and i think thats what im going to do...i will be talkin to the guys to sign up and then get everything started go out to basic for 9weeks which will be hard to leave my austin that long but he will be just fine with my sister and my parents...he needs to be home and around ppl he knows while his momma is gone....and when i get back we will go where ever they want us....i will be doing software tech for now which i wont ever have to deploy on i will stay in the states...but hey its great benefits for me and my son and i will be able to provide for him better than i can now since im doing everything by myself its hard to get him stuff i want to get him and he needs all the time and this will help with money and ill be able to do what i want in my life and BE HAPPY with my son forever!!! and i dont care what anyone thinks about this decision they can kiss my ass cuz its my life not theres and its my son not theres sooo if u dont like it i dont give a fuck :) but yea just thought id let ya guys kno that i may be doin some basic soon!!

rolling over

YAY my lil man rolls all the way over now...well has been for about 2weeks now just didnt feel like writing lately...hes gettin sooooo big he now wears 9-12month clothes the smaller onsies dont fit at all lol he can get away with wearing shirts that are 6-9 mo and pants but whole outfits yea not so much...he sleeps on his belly now which HE GETS FROM ME YAY!!!!!!!!! and he sleeps with a hand under his face at all times and HE GETS THAT FROM ME TO.....yay he is giggling a hell of a lot more and he smiles all day everyday...drinkin juice now and pretty soon here in couple weeks we will be starting the foods!!! im sooo excited....hes still teethin which is going pretty well he just chews on his hands all day haha....he takes 2 naps now instead of sleepin all day long and he plays with his toys its great...and hes learning to crawl he gets his legs under him and pushes and scoots he just needs to figure out what to do with his arms and were set to crawl....learnin to sit up great to....hes going to swimmin pool for first time this week with my sisters kids when i take them to kiddie pool soooo we shall see how he does with that he loves the bath sooo should love the pool to