a big mess

ok so some of you thought that i never wanted mike (austins FATHER) to see him.....that is farthest from the truth!!! i want them to see each other as much as they can right now...which is hard as i dont have the money to go up to mike and he doesnt have the money to come here either....BUT im sure once alot of shit blows over and dies down we will both be able to come to some kind of agreement for us to get austin to him or him to austin....and the whole airforce thing was never a for sure thing...and more than likely wont happen now since i will be startin this job working 10hr days 6days a week.....and maybe i can start saving after i pay off my debts which isnt much so austin can see mike more......but he also has to help me to....as i dont wanna be the one to always have to go to him....and i will never do the bus trip ever again sooo itd take longer for me to save for plane ticket.......cuz im somewhat safer on that then in the bus by myself with no protection and since i had such a bad experience last time id never do it again....they always say never say never but in this case I CAN AND WILL SAY NEVER AGAIN!!!!but anyway....we are waiting for the paperwork to be done to do the whole paternity test thing cuz thats what they gotta do to start child support(which mike told me to file for few months ago that way he knew austin would be taken care of from him) and we all kno mikes the father and im sure when the paper gets to him that he will be happy to see it on paper not that hes denied austin but anyway and im happy that he will see that and have that as the proof since he hasnt exactly had best experiences in the past(april)........and i do feel terrible that he doesnt see austin that much.....and if i could snap my fingers so he could i would do it in a heartbeat...and yea sometimes i am a bitch and yell at him cuz he dont ever ask how austin is and yea it may kill him that austins not around but id like him to see how he is and see if hes doin better with crawling and with certain foods and when he walks and gets teeth....so when i say he needs to show he cares its not that i think he doesnt its just that id like him to ask once in a while and see how his buddy is growing..........maybe this will clear some things up for some people it may not but theres nothing else i can do to please everyone and i cant please everyone......but i do kno that i have my son to please and take care of and he is my first priority then myself.......anyways hope this helps some of u understand what myself and mike are going thru and what we are dealing with at this point......