not funny u 2

so exactly a month after dad dies we get a phone call sayin my uncle dennis died.....they said about 2 hrs ago....on april 21st....the day, time and how they died was the same and even the day of services was the same....wtf is this a joke they are playin? well guess what guys i dont find it funny at all.....and as most of you know i have not let go of dad yet nor have i cried the big cry that i need to do or let any of the grieving come out...well today at dennis's funeral they played 3 songs that were exactly the same as dads.....on the road again by willie nelson, TAPS, and amazing grace.....I LOST IT....not like i needed to but i couldnt fight these tears back like i had been able to before...it was a reinactment of dads funeral all over again and then they folded his american flag up that was drapped over his coffin...just like dad....that hit me hard as well...but what was sad was they had only 2 soldiers foldin dennis's flag and they folded it tighter then the 8 that folded dads....wanna kno why...cuz the ones who did dads WERE KIDS (in dads eyes) they were youngins and didnt know what they were doing...brandon u know u will agree with me on this one....but they had on his coffin(dennis's) a fire fighter logo was embroydered on the top half(head) that was raised up....now that was neat and hey had like 8 diff fire fighters in full uniform that switched out with one another bout 5-10 mins at a time that was cool too i had never seen that before....to make sense of the fire fighter thing my uncle dennis was a volunteer fire fighter....he loved tha as his job....but i kno him and dad are together up there with my uncle robo raisin hell with the other brothers up there......RIDE FREE GUYS I LOVE YOU ALL AND MISS YOU ALL AND I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN WHEN ITS MY TIME

learned the hard way not to go to people with my problems since it always just bites me in the ass later on....so im not goin to tell anyone anything anymore whether it has to do with my fiance child or childs father who wants to sign away his rights.............what the fuck ever im at point where i dont give a god damn fuck about anything........tired of the drama and the bullshit...........i am in love and happy and so is my son and thats all that i care about anymore.......its fuckin me time now and im not lettin anyone change that or mess it up.........and i doubt ill write on here much more cuz i dont feel the need to tell people certain shit and things get mixed in with it and me get shit on later for it like i have in the past............TRUST NOBODY.......they always screw the trust up........i trust my son and my fiance THE LOVES OF MY LIFE

update on my life

WOW SO IT HAS BEEN FOREVER SINCE I WROTE ON HERE.......hold that thought austin just woke up.....its 10pm and he went down for what was supposed to be a nap at 4pm......ok hes fine he went back to sleep lol....anyways hes been gettin better at saying words and walking around holding onto furniture....hes so big i cant believe it is almost 9 months ago that i had him!!!our first halloween sucked ass lets not go there so please dont ask!anyway hes eating stage 3 foods and eats some of the graduates snacks (the ones that dissolve instantly) hes learning to chew it and eats the crackers 2.....we are trying the sippy cup transistion at least for when he is eating baby food or snacks he will have that and then when he has milk give the bottle well hes not to sure bout the nipple on the sippy cup(i got the ones that are very soft) and with him chewing on everthing thats all he does so far with that...soooo hes not quiet there yet but thats ok......i am laid off again for yet another 9days...and will be again for 3weeks of december unless by some miracle they ask me to work.....im still fighting to get child support from austins biological father...i say that because he does not do anything for my son he has not acted like a father at all....owell nuff bout him....then there is brandon...the love of my life...my everything i got to talk to him today and was very happy about it....he bought a prepaid cell phone over there and gave me the number and country code so i can call him when i want.....granted he cant answer everytime btu i can at least leave him messages saying i love him for him to hear later when he has time.......anyway today is saturday night right.............well 2morrow is sunday nov 2nd..........the biggest day of me and brandons life............hes asking my dad permission to take my hand in marriage in march when hes home for leave....hes not really wanting to do it over the phone BUT this is only way he can before march knowing that we can do it lol.....and since i was a little girl i always wanted the guy to ask my dad before i did anything....not just cuz its right or tradition but just always been a wish of mine.....along with my dream dress with a really long train.....brandon is not in kuwait anymore he is where he needs to be to start fightin for war....he will be going into battle on the 5th from what im told.....but i am very excited for 2morrow and for march and i can not wait to meet my future mother in law and brother in law.....they already love me and austin they always tell me lol.....his mom is soooooo excited she gets a grandchild lol and told brandon that when he gets back next october she wants more.....gosh i hope she dont want millions lol cuz 2 is my max......3 tops anymore than that get your own lol


but thats the latest thats my life.......thats all we got

my soldier

so it has been 2weeks since brandon left....it feels like forever...i miss him so much i dont even kno how to explain it...and i love that while hes in kuwait for a couple weeks he can call me unlike whe nhe goes to bagdad he wont be able to as much....he said he has been writing me but is doing it in journal form which is fine idc lol.....and said once he has a few pages written he will mail it out instead of sending me a letter everyday with just a little writing which to me either way idc what kind of letter i get lol and we got one of those magazines in the mail other day from figi (which they so the whole cheese and sausage packs they do round holidays) and i thought hmmmm wonder if they will ship that stuff to iraq cuz if they do then id send him a bigger package and then he can share it all with the boys.....well the ones i like and kno anyway lol....they deserve it and im sure theyd love some real food.....anyways he called on monday and i had him on speakerphone OMG u should have seen lil austin he kept looking around for brandon since he heard his voice and didnt kno it was coming from my phone at first he just kept looking around and talking as he was askin me mommy wheres my brandon.....it was adorable then when he figured out it was the phone he was all about tryin to get to my phone....ya dont think he misses brandon do ya lol since thats all he knows since his real dad is well we wont get into that today............fucker have fun supportin a dog maybe ull do that better than my son..........i mean ummmmmm anyways back to the love of my life lol next time he calls hes going to talk to dad and ask dad if he can have my hand in marriage since he hadnt asked yet and i dont want to plan on doing anything and have him wait till march and dad say no(not that he would) but still itd be a waste lol.....but we decided that in march since we are short on time for leave we will just do the whole courthouse thing in pennsylvania and then go to dinner with his family afterwards and then when he gets back from iraq for good we will do the CAV wedding(military wedding) with the guys who make an isle with there swords and uncross them as we walk thru and then the last guy to do that i guess hits me on the ass after were done walkin thru with his sword(idk y they just do) kinda like a congrats or good game thing lol but i told brandon he could have his military wedding since i pretty much get wtvr i want outside of the ceremony.......rings, dress, cake, whatever i want which is odd cuz im sooo not used to a guy treating me all the time i was always one to take care of the guys i have been with....but this time im gettin treated like i should be and taken care of like i should be along with austin.....sooo now we just sit by the phone and wait for brandon to call and talk to my dad and then tell me what dad says and go from there............i love you brandon jay morse with all my heart u come home to me soon and safe.........your lil buddy loves and misses u 2

YAY

i got to talk to my baby today!! thank god i was on break at work to talk to him....and then he told me not to worry cuz he will be able to call me on sundays!!! thanks god i was worried there for a min and then he also told me that he has his mid tour leave march 1-15 and he wants to get married then!!! ahhhhh 5 months!!! i have 5 months to plan shit!!! holy hell i dont kno how im gonna pull that off but i will......but thats ok he made my day and made me smile all day i was soooo happy....and austin is crawling like crazy and then on top of that hes standing up!!!! he had a hold of the play pen and stood up!!! i am not ready for this lil man to walk yet lol but thats ok......well thats all for now off to bed lol gotta get up again nice and early for work before i have a week off since there doin a shut down at work cuz way economy is sooooo yea i get laid off for a week and then few more times before january....GREAT lol

not easy

soooo i havent seen brandon since thursday night.....it really sucks....i hate it and i want him back from iraq right now.....he called a lil bit ago and i didnt recognize the number so i ignored it...it was him calling me from a calling card....hes in kuwait right now will be there a few days before they throw him into the fire but he said hes doin ok and he will call later as they arent doing anything i hope he does so i can talk to him...well i kno ill never ignore a call again!!!! even if im at work lol ill say ummm brb idc hes more important than a damn job!!! he also was seeing if austin was doing ok....as those 2 are attached at the damn hip they are inseperable LITERALLY!!! they both go thru withdrawls without each other.....he also told me that he loved me (which i knew) but still nice to hear...i keep lookin at all the pics that we have and have taken lol.....i have his kat von d blanket he had and his comforter on my bed....i snuggle with them cuz they smell like him and guess what u kno how the scent leaves eventually....well he gave me his bottle of colonge that way i can spray it when its gone!!!! so now itll always smell like him!!! i love it....and well its been a week and a day since ive been engaged!!!!! yes u read that right ENGAGED!!!!! he asked me the last weekend we were together in front of everyone....we were at a cook out with like 20plus of his guy friends in army plus all the gfs or wives and he got down n asked me in front of all of them...and of course i said yes...i have my pics up on myspace!!! now the only part of it is that i will eventually have to tell mike......dun dun dun.....dunno when or how but i kno EVENTUALLY ill have to tell him.....not for his blessing cuz regardless im going to be with who i love and everything but i still have to tell him 4 austins sake....not that he may care or want to hear it but its out of respect to let him kno.....the hardest part of it all tho is when its time to make the big move to pa.....how in the world will that work tellin mike that HA.....anyways i think im doing a lil better than i thought i would be these couple days but i have been keeping myself very very very busy and not letting myself think about it all....works going good...been driving the fork lift all week cuz thats what they hired me to do soooo ive got that down now there just puttin me into different departments at a time to train more....and learn where shit goes and possible fill in spots if someone calls in sick.....my austin is now 22 lbs 8oz and is 28 n a half inches long....dad took him to wic appt for me as i was at work....i got to get a new car seat tho as they said hes to big for one we have....FRICKIN A yea i gotta save at LEAST 140 bucks for one....owell hes worth it lol....well i think thats pretty much it for now.....now to just sit by the phone and wait for my love my life and my soldier to call me........oh yea austin crawls....says momma, dadda(havent told mike that yet) ummmm sits up great and is startin to try to use the sippy cup lol not going well all he does is just chew on the nipple....owell thats the latest!!

short n sweet

well im working.....done with orientation 2morrow then do training for 5weeks then off on my own to drive fork truck and will work first shift during training n then 2nd after that which is fine......and brandons leavin me next week.....i hate it...............like i said short n sweet