not easy

soooo i havent seen brandon since thursday night.....it really sucks....i hate it and i want him back from iraq right now.....he called a lil bit ago and i didnt recognize the number so i ignored it...it was him calling me from a calling card....hes in kuwait right now will be there a few days before they throw him into the fire but he said hes doin ok and he will call later as they arent doing anything i hope he does so i can talk to him...well i kno ill never ignore a call again!!!! even if im at work lol ill say ummm brb idc hes more important than a damn job!!! he also was seeing if austin was doing ok....as those 2 are attached at the damn hip they are inseperable LITERALLY!!! they both go thru withdrawls without each other.....he also told me that he loved me (which i knew) but still nice to hear...i keep lookin at all the pics that we have and have taken lol.....i have his kat von d blanket he had and his comforter on my bed....i snuggle with them cuz they smell like him and guess what u kno how the scent leaves eventually....well he gave me his bottle of colonge that way i can spray it when its gone!!!! so now itll always smell like him!!! i love it....and well its been a week and a day since ive been engaged!!!!! yes u read that right ENGAGED!!!!! he asked me the last weekend we were together in front of everyone....we were at a cook out with like 20plus of his guy friends in army plus all the gfs or wives and he got down n asked me in front of all of them...and of course i said yes...i have my pics up on myspace!!! now the only part of it is that i will eventually have to tell mike......dun dun dun.....dunno when or how but i kno EVENTUALLY ill have to tell him.....not for his blessing cuz regardless im going to be with who i love and everything but i still have to tell him 4 austins sake....not that he may care or want to hear it but its out of respect to let him kno.....the hardest part of it all tho is when its time to make the big move to pa.....how in the world will that work tellin mike that HA.....anyways i think im doing a lil better than i thought i would be these couple days but i have been keeping myself very very very busy and not letting myself think about it all....works going good...been driving the fork lift all week cuz thats what they hired me to do soooo ive got that down now there just puttin me into different departments at a time to train more....and learn where shit goes and possible fill in spots if someone calls in sick.....my austin is now 22 lbs 8oz and is 28 n a half inches long....dad took him to wic appt for me as i was at work....i got to get a new car seat tho as they said hes to big for one we have....FRICKIN A yea i gotta save at LEAST 140 bucks for one....owell hes worth it lol....well i think thats pretty much it for now.....now to just sit by the phone and wait for my love my life and my soldier to call me........oh yea austin crawls....says momma, dadda(havent told mike that yet) ummmm sits up great and is startin to try to use the sippy cup lol not going well all he does is just chew on the nipple....owell thats the latest!!